one step backwards

Dear Dear People,

As those of you whom I see more often may have noticed, I'm getting worse and worse at keeping in touch and I have been solidifying the bad habit of writing in the lost hours between stations. Better than nothing I hope, and I stop winging right Here.
This time I have a bit of time to walk through our beautiful snowy 'Capital on the Sea' and force myself awake in an internet cafe. This vacation started at the Central station in Sofia and finished there, with the last train for the week, the half-to-midnight to Varna. My whole regret for the unworn new skates, the unseen friends, unfinished work, unread books, cups of tea left cold, all my insecurities about the new year and pessimistic thoughts of the day melted as soon as I climbed into bed on a Schlafwagen, between the fresh institutional sheets, stamped БДЖ. The sounds of trains and distance passing by are exciting not only for me, the lady on the other bed keeps turning in her sleep. When we got to the station she quickly went to work and I slowly gazed at the snow over the town that I associate with student summer camps and made my way to the bus station for Odessa. Yesterday it was Sofia through Odessos to Odessa today, then Warsaw, and Cambridge on the 13th. One step eastwards, two steps westwards. Today I'm as excited as I was depressed yesterday. It was difficult to leave this time, and every time I am more tired but then the roadmap aligns its pattern with the lines of my veins and it's ok again.
On that note I am sorry for not calling, not sending postcards, not comming to the cinema and not finishing the cups of tea with you. I have not been feeling myself lately, I have been spending incredible amounts of time with family and travelling to wherever because I thought I was needed by the former and I thought I needed the latter. I have also been thinking of ghosts of old loves confusing me as if I (of flesh and blood) don't confuse myself enough and chimeras of unachieved peaks to which I need to prove myself, passing shadows of feelings, making planning and hoping - but that's that time of the year.
I wish you a happy Christmas, hope you have parted with the dieing sun in peace and greeted the birth of the new one with hope. Something tells me 2009 will be tough for everyone (not because of that financial crisis business), but don't be afraid to have a wonderful challenging and fruitful year!
Now I'll call my granny to say goodbye and get on that bus.

love

за да няма обидени от чуждоземната реч - пояснявам - шибаното интернет кафе има само фонетична, която ми кълчи пръстите и шл.окавица, която ми боде очите. и няма ер малък. сори.