имам нужда да пиша, да нижа думи, да си подредя главата и граматиката. имам нужда сама да си говоря. да вървя по нишки и да вярвам, че водят нанякъде, да ги сплитам
so many things depend on confidence alone. i don't understand, but whenever the cox shouts get the confidence back in this boat, sit up, heads up, we suddenly know how to row. 'head up' gives you a direction and that's all. then rhythm to follow.
i'm a bit shaken today like i've stepped off a mood-swing rollercoaster over 12 hours. ( i rarely have those, mostly due to coffee over-dose but they are memorable confidence-destroying moments). all the problems of the world seem to be fuss and nonsense, all dissertation / future related.
sitting on the train yesterday i could see it comming together, chapter by chapter through undergrad dissertation to mphil, to phd, to where i really want to stand. and i could see the thread run off the sheets under my fingers as i was underlining.
then some talk with catalin about the phd reality, and i don't know i can't answer any of my questions, i can't tell why it was so important yesterday. still haven't written the presentation.
note to self - losing balance again, get back to the rhythm.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
the words i read
(that make me want to go walk of the library
then i read some newspapers that make me turn back
up the stairs of academic ivory towers
then i spend some time posting this from the towered University Library)
"Without this power to proceed minus the cleanest bill of health, we are caught between two problems: one the one hand, theories, however subtly argued, that support the idea that upward class monility - mimicry and masquerade - is unmediated resistance; on the other, a failure to "recognize ... the passing of an era when the West, and particularly the Americans, were willing to tolerate the rhetoric of the third world." The task of the teacher of literary reading is placed in the aporia of an uncoercive rearrangement of the will as student and teacher shuttle between freedom-from and freedom-to; not in congratulating the will to U.S. class-power as unmediated resistance"
but also a good one:
"I am not erudite enough to be interdisciplinary, but I can break rules." (xiii)
from Spivak, A Critique of Postcolonial Reason
и цитат на деня от одеве: "Политико-ченжеджийски скандал разтърсва за пореден път държавата. .... Скандалът продължава."
Капитал за Бойко Борисов
then i read some newspapers that make me turn back
up the stairs of academic ivory towers
then i spend some time posting this from the towered University Library)
"Without this power to proceed minus the cleanest bill of health, we are caught between two problems: one the one hand, theories, however subtly argued, that support the idea that upward class monility - mimicry and masquerade - is unmediated resistance; on the other, a failure to "recognize ... the passing of an era when the West, and particularly the Americans, were willing to tolerate the rhetoric of the third world." The task of the teacher of literary reading is placed in the aporia of an uncoercive rearrangement of the will as student and teacher shuttle between freedom-from and freedom-to; not in congratulating the will to U.S. class-power as unmediated resistance"
but also a good one:
"I am not erudite enough to be interdisciplinary, but I can break rules." (xiii)
from Spivak, A Critique of Postcolonial Reason
и цитат на деня от одеве: "Политико-ченжеджийски скандал разтърсва за пореден път държавата. .... Скандалът продължава."
Капитал за Бойко Борисов
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